Stand in the rain

We always have those day or moments when our worlds just seems to crash around us. Where our past hurts resurface, or when that one song plays, or when we see that one person, and we fight back the tears. Inevitably, it happens at the worst time too, when we are out an about, hanging out with friends, the list goes on. I don’t know, maybe I am the only guy that has this happen to them, but as a guy it is TEN TIMES WORSE!!! That being said, this post is for both males and females (I try not to be too sexist XP). When we hurt we inherently try to hide, we try to act like we are fine, we try to ignore the pain and run from it hoping it will stop haunting you. Unfortunately, that is one of the worst ways to handle pain.

I guess a better title of this blog post would be ‘dancing in the rain’, but honestly, sometimes you can’t dance. We are told to find joy in all sufferings, but sometimes all we can do is push through and not give up. When you lose someone you love, when your relationship that you were so dependent on breaks up, when your health just says ‘no’, when you lose a friend, when a friend is hurting and you can’t do anything to help them... There are endless situations that remind us that life isn’t perfect… Situations that bring storms and bring rain… Situations that hurt us and make us wish we were young again, back when things were simpler and life was easier.

It is situations like these that make me realize that being idealistic doesn’t mean believing that everything will always be perfect; that there will always be sunshine and a cool breeze. Rather, it is realizing that storms will always be there to try and tear us down, but we don’t have to let them. We can stand in the rain and let it wash over us and pass. Thus, getting to the point of this post, don’t be afraid to cry, even in public. Don’t be afraid of hurting, of being vulnerable with those whom you trust, and don’t be afraid of trusting. Don’t run from the pain, rather deal with it and let yourself heal.

For those of y’all who know my story, you’ll know that 2011 was one of the worst years of my life. I lost so many people that year… I lost three great grandparents, two cousins, an uncle… I started to feel like I had no friends, and like I didn’t fit in with anyone… I started feeling like I didn’t fit in with my family. I was feeling like I didn’t fit in anywhere.  And I kept that all inside. I never told anyone how I felt, so how I felt only got worse. I started to actually lose friends because I distanced myself from them. I hurt and I held it in, and in doing that I held everyone else off. It got to the point I was literally proud of having trust issues. I didn’t see what a problem I had. The worst part? Yes, I was preventing myself from healing, but I was also preventing myself from helping everyone around me. Looking back now I realize that there were people around me who needed a friend just as much as I did. But I held it in, and held them off… I robbed people of my help when they needed it most, because in reality, pretending you’re just fine, pretending like you don’t hurt just because others are around… It’s selfish. It’s robbing yourself of the chance to heal, and robbing them of the chance to help. I learned this the hard way.

This senior year I have dealt with the loss of a man I deeply admired and respected and loved, I have dealt with feeling helpless as I watch friends go through horrible health problems and being unable to do anything other than be there for them, and I have made mistakes that have hurt friends and family members alike. Yet, through all of it, I have realized that it isn’t what you go through that matters near as much as how you deal with, how you chose to go through it. It hurt losing my Granddaddy, it hurt like heck. And you know what? It still does. It takes time to heal, but the only way I’ll ever get there is by being willing to not run from the pain. When those songs play that remind me of how much I miss him, I deal with it all over again, but that’s okay. Losing a long time friend hurt, breaking up my relationship hurt, watching friends hurt and not being able to help them hurt… and it does, and it will… But that’s okay now.

The best advice I ever received on how to deal with life’s storms was actually just a few days ago. A dear friend told me: “you just take it one day at a time, that’s all you can do”. Maybe you are in a storm in your life, and maybe you’re not, but either way I want you to remember that whether you are in sunshine or rain, you aren’t alone. Whether you’re on the mountain top, or the deepest valley, remember you aren’t alone. I always hated the phrase “it’s ok not to be ok”, it never made sense to me and it always made me think it was a cheap excuse for being weak… But the older I have gotten I have realized that life is going to hurt you, but it I pretending to be invincible that hurts you the most. It’s pretending like you don’t need the people around you that hurts you more than any event you could ever go through. So stand in the rain, but don’t stand alone. God bless you, everyone one of you.